Reaching

This feeling of fear
Sinks deep in my heart
Deep in my mind
And I wonder
How much is there to fear

I'm stepping on a new stone
I'm walking on a new path
One step at a time
I'm in no hurry
Soon, I'll be running

Running with the wind
Moving past every barrier
Every pothole
Ignorance is bliss
I'm reaching for the skies

I'm going to make it
I'm going to push myself harder than ever
And let go of all that weigh me down
I'm reaching for the top
And this time, I'll make it.

Blackout

I feel so stupid.
and now i feel like i need to hate you.
you lied to me.
you promised that i'd be the only one in your heart.
you lied.
because now i find out,
that im not the only one.
i knew about one.
yes that one.
but you told me you'd let it go
that she'd be your past
from the present and onwards.
but here i am
in the corner of my little room
and the voice in my head
screaming at me
the echo
of my friend
telling me about the others
about you
and the others
and now i feel so fucking stupid.
because i fell into your web of lies
and now my heart stings
with the pain of you
its like u cut open my healing wound
and rubbed salt on it
thank u so much
you've made my life a bed of nails now
thank u.
no amount of words u will have to say
can make this better
can make this feeling go away
so you just stand there
looking dumb
and let me fall apart
and you can walkaway anytime
because i am not your responsibility
you dont have to pretend you love me anymore.
i dont give a damned
you're making me feel bitter
you're making me ache in my heart
but i dont care
i dont want to
i dont need to
my life is still a story being told
and the rest, as they say
is still unwritten
but the parts with u in it
i shall just
black out.
because the memories hurt too much

Mirror

The morning dew hangs in the air

Like a thick cloud of darkness over my head

The cold water slides down my nose

As I splash my face with the water from the tap

The coldness shocks me and wakes me

I look up and I see this person

Thick hair, wide eyes, full lips

But she seems distressed

Like she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders

Like she’s expecting everything to come crashing down on her

Those lines are etched in her forehead

Like a bad memory made so obvious

The laugh lines are missing from her face

And the fears engraved around her mouth

She tries to smile, but the smile wont last

But then I look closely at her

And I remember

I remember that bad memory

I remember that heartbreaking feeling

And I realize, I’m looking into a mirror

I hate the sadness I see in my eyes

I hate the fear I feel when I see me

I hate those memories I see when I look at myself

All I want is to find happiness again

Is that too much to ask?

Pot of Gold

I close my eyes
And try to remember what it felt like
To have you near me
To feel your breath on my neck
To feel your fingers lock themselves in mine
It all comes back to me so easily
I remember it like it was yesterday
It's crystal clear in my mind
Its a memory that i can't get rid of
But then the memories of everything else come flooding back
The lies
The hurt, the tears
They way my heart you did break
And i feel a piercing pain go through my heart
over and over again


But now i'm taking a stand
I'm fending for myself
I'm not going to think of you
Of the way you touched
Of the way you smelled
I'm letting go of those dreams of us
Of those wishes for forever
So dont hold me back, dont hold my hand
I'm stepping forward
I'm leaving these memories of you
Because after every rainy day
A rainbow hides between the clouds
U were my rainy day
Now i'm leaving, in search for my rainbow
Because on the other side of every rainbow
Lies my pot of gold

by Joanna Ambrose

Some Sunshine

I need some sunshine back here in my life

Been walking too long in the rain

The raindrops are cutting my like a knife

But I’m too numb to feel the pain

I need the moonlight back here with me now

I’ve been lost in the darkness of the night

I need to move on but I just don’t know how

But I’m not backing down without a fight

I see the green grass growing on the other side

I want to crossover to feel the change

Coz when you left a part of me died

This feeling is so new, so strange

I see the rainbow touching the ground

I want to reach out and feel the sky

To feel the magic and find my sound

Coz since you left I can’t sing, no matter how I try.

by Joanna Ambrose

Some Lost, Others Gained

Tears fall from this face

Everyday in this life

As the days pass

Reasons change

Some things lost

Others gained

But a little part

Of this heart

Carved into a hole

I lose a lover

But gain a friend

I lose a friend

But gain inspiration

I lose inspiration

But gain memories

By Joanna Ambrose

Dont Make Me

Don’t make me apologise

For something I did not cause

For something that is not my fault

For a situation I did not create

Don’t make me wonder

About the things that went wrong

About someone I no longer know

About something I’m lost between

Don’t make me speak

When I don’t want to talk

When I need to be quiet

When I have to understand the silence

Because when you make me apologise

It will be for something you caused

And if I were to apologise, I would on my own

With no persuasion form anyone but me

When you make me wonder

I will be breaking myself even more

Because the memories will come back to haunt me

And I will never know peace

When you make me speak

Words filled with spite and anger may be heard

Emotions will be let loose

And those I cherish, will be hurt

You did this to me

The things I did, the thoughts I thought, the words I said

Everything was because of you

Because you broke this already bruised heart

So I won’t speak, not with you

I want to make no conversation with you

Because I choose to do so

Because this was your doing

And I will not wonder, not about you

I will not let my thoughts stray to you

Because I choose not to

Because this is what you did

And I will not apologise, not to you

I make no apologies

For the way I choose

To mend what you broke

So don’t try to make me.

by Joanna Ambrose

Believe

It's harder than you think
To find out who you are
So you've got to look
Deep inside your heart

Believe in yourself
Believe in what you can do
Open your eyes
Before it's too late for you to

Believe in your destiny
What ever it may be
Believe in the person you must be
Only then will you see

The things you thought important
Are no longer as important as they seemed
The one you thought was the love of your life
Is no longer part of your dream

So you must continue your journey
Even without that one
Walk alone if you have to
Because what's done is done

When you reach down inside of you
You see for yourself
The things in this world
That make you, you

by Joanna Ambrose