He's MINE

I used to believe 

That life should just be me

Riding solo like it was meant to be

No one to hurt me

No one to break me

Living my life for me, just like that.

But then you showed me a side of you I never knew

You were honest

So I knew the truth

It was up to me, to take a risk

Willing I was, just for a change

I know now, I made the right choice.

You're my daydreams

You're my sweet dreams

You're the secrets I love to keep

You're everything I've wanted

You're everything I've needed

Best of all, you're mine.

Goodbye

You'll never find another girl like me
A girl who put up with all your lies and cheating
A girl who lived with all the scars you caused
A girl who put up with everything
Til it killed her inside
And even then loving you with all her soul
She lost herself in you
She lost her spirit for you
She suffered everything for you
Yet there she stood, lonely and hurt

Glancing in a mirror by accident
She saw herself for the first time in ages
She saw the faded smile
The hollow eyes
The broken soul
She broke down for awhile
She knew she needed you there and then
But where were you?

That's when she realised
She knew she needed out
From your chains she was bound in
From your grip of her
She needed to set her heart free
Oh, the heartache it took
The tears, just to let you go
And now you try crawling back into her life?

Enough is enough
A heart can only take so much
And for you,
This heart has reached its edge
This time it's over
And finally, it's for good.

Goodbye.

Music of Our Hearts.

The music of our hearts,

Hanging over our heads

They’re tangled in the air, the air of you and me

They’re intertwining our souls

And the melody they craft

Makes sweet music to the ears

Like a fallen angel

Our innocence engages me

The mystery around us intrigues me

The things we say, wonders me

Like a perfect sculpture

We’re slowly being molded

It’s an affair of the worlds

We’re crossing borders

Interlacing the continents

Entwining the cultures

Composing our own melody

With the notes of our hearts

This music we have together

Is so different from any other

It holds the secret of our essence

The sounds of our heart beats

The music we create, even in silence

It’s the music of our hearts

Relieved

Breathing into the darkness

I saw my life for what it really was

Those lies and the deception

Because everything with you was a complication

And everything I did

It felt like I needed your validation

The fights we had filled me with grief

Those good moments we had

Were always too brief

But since you’ve been gone

And since I’ve been alone

All that I feel now is relief.

Relief that it’s all over

That I don’t have to experience you anymore

Reprieved that now

I can live my life for me

For once in my life I won’t let myself feel

Like my heart tore

I’m climbing one step higher

One day at a time

One step at a time

And finally, FINALLY

I can push myself a little bit harder, a little bit higher

Because you’re not there to hold me back anymore.

Reaching

This feeling of fear
Sinks deep in my heart
Deep in my mind
And I wonder
How much is there to fear

I'm stepping on a new stone
I'm walking on a new path
One step at a time
I'm in no hurry
Soon, I'll be running

Running with the wind
Moving past every barrier
Every pothole
Ignorance is bliss
I'm reaching for the skies

I'm going to make it
I'm going to push myself harder than ever
And let go of all that weigh me down
I'm reaching for the top
And this time, I'll make it.

I remembered

today i remembered
what it felt to be in your arms again
i felt your skin against mine
i felt your heartbeat
Like i used to feel it
when you held me close
i felt you breathe
ever so slowly, silent breaths

today i remembered
how it felt to love you all over again
i wish we could go back to that time
that time when i felt safe
whenever you were near
that time when all the hurt in the world
mattered nothing
because i had you

today i remembered
what it feels like to feel alone again
i know what it's like now to feel so lost
to lose yourself, to trip and fall
to not have that crutch to hold you up
i lost my balance a long time ago
and you weren't there to pull me up
when i needed you the most.

Those days we had, were the best parts of my life. To this day, you're still a part of my heart. You always will be. You were, are, my first real love. Your laugh, still makes me laugh the way it did before. Your lame jokes, still make me crack up as much as they did before. You made me laugh all the time. Yeah, we had those rough times, but those dont even seem to matter anymore.
You're not mine to love anymore.
But I'm okay with that now.
I'd rather have you in my life as my friend, then not at all.
♥

Unsaid

Unsaid

Your words are empty
You say them but you dont mean it
You whisper them
And the air carries it away
Your promises are just that
Words
Didnt anyone ever tell you
That you shouldnt ever
Make promises you cant keep
Especially not to someone
With a heart as fragile as mine
Your silence speaks louder than your words
They cut me like a knife
Words you say
Could never hurt as much as
The words unsaid

Blackout

I feel so stupid.
and now i feel like i need to hate you.
you lied to me.
you promised that i'd be the only one in your heart.
you lied.
because now i find out,
that im not the only one.
i knew about one.
yes that one.
but you told me you'd let it go
that she'd be your past
from the present and onwards.
but here i am
in the corner of my little room
and the voice in my head
screaming at me
the echo
of my friend
telling me about the others
about you
and the others
and now i feel so fucking stupid.
because i fell into your web of lies
and now my heart stings
with the pain of you
its like u cut open my healing wound
and rubbed salt on it
thank u so much
you've made my life a bed of nails now
thank u.
no amount of words u will have to say
can make this better
can make this feeling go away
so you just stand there
looking dumb
and let me fall apart
and you can walkaway anytime
because i am not your responsibility
you dont have to pretend you love me anymore.
i dont give a damned
you're making me feel bitter
you're making me ache in my heart
but i dont care
i dont want to
i dont need to
my life is still a story being told
and the rest, as they say
is still unwritten
but the parts with u in it
i shall just
black out.
because the memories hurt too much

Mirror

The morning dew hangs in the air

Like a thick cloud of darkness over my head

The cold water slides down my nose

As I splash my face with the water from the tap

The coldness shocks me and wakes me

I look up and I see this person

Thick hair, wide eyes, full lips

But she seems distressed

Like she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders

Like she’s expecting everything to come crashing down on her

Those lines are etched in her forehead

Like a bad memory made so obvious

The laugh lines are missing from her face

And the fears engraved around her mouth

She tries to smile, but the smile wont last

But then I look closely at her

And I remember

I remember that bad memory

I remember that heartbreaking feeling

And I realize, I’m looking into a mirror

I hate the sadness I see in my eyes

I hate the fear I feel when I see me

I hate those memories I see when I look at myself

All I want is to find happiness again

Is that too much to ask?

Hold My Hand

When you look at me
Your deep dark eyes, they search my soul
When you smile at me
My heart warms up
It beats faster every second
Every second that i think of you

I smile at the thought of you
I laugh at the things u say
You captured my heart
Just by making me feel this way
By making me laugh

I dream of you
But then i lie about it
Just so you wont know
When really, its those dreams
That i want to come true

I think of you
I wonder how it would feel
To have your arms around me
You arms around me, protecting me
A safe haven

So hold my hand
And dont let go
We'll walk this road together
We're not alone
We've got each other

by Joanna Ambrose

Open Your Eyes

Your silent tears
Are the ones that scream out to me
Your words whispered
Are the ones I hear
Through your forced smile
I see the real you
So why do you hide away in the dark
And pretend like i dont know you
When you know its me
that you need with you
Dont shy away
I am here for you
Not just for now, not just for awhile

Open your eyes
See the new light that's been shed on you
The lighting striking lights up your path
Open up your heart
Let your voice be heard
The thunder rolling doesnt have to drown out your sound

Open your eyes
And look at yourself the way i see you
You, the beautiful person i know
The loyal and faithful friend
The one with the heart of gold
My best friend
Open up your heart
Let go and lose control
Love all those around you
Especially the one that deserves your love the most
But live just for you
No one else but you
Don't be afraid to take that risk
For if you fall I will catch you
If you break I will fix u
Cos that's what best friends are for

Open your eyes.

Pot of Gold

I close my eyes
And try to remember what it felt like
To have you near me
To feel your breath on my neck
To feel your fingers lock themselves in mine
It all comes back to me so easily
I remember it like it was yesterday
It's crystal clear in my mind
Its a memory that i can't get rid of
But then the memories of everything else come flooding back
The lies
The hurt, the tears
They way my heart you did break
And i feel a piercing pain go through my heart
over and over again


But now i'm taking a stand
I'm fending for myself
I'm not going to think of you
Of the way you touched
Of the way you smelled
I'm letting go of those dreams of us
Of those wishes for forever
So dont hold me back, dont hold my hand
I'm stepping forward
I'm leaving these memories of you
Because after every rainy day
A rainbow hides between the clouds
U were my rainy day
Now i'm leaving, in search for my rainbow
Because on the other side of every rainbow
Lies my pot of gold

by Joanna Ambrose

Bloody Kiss

You ran your fingers over my lips
Your thumb caressed my upper lip
As my lower lip trembled
You let your hands explore my hips
And you went in for the dip
As you kissed me your hands fumbled
That memory of that last day
Remains so clearly in my mind
The way you held me that night
The way you kissed me before you went away.

You left me to bleed
I bled through my heart
I bled through my lips
Through every part of me you ever touched
It's like you left after doing the deed
The deed of breaking me once we'd part
Cos you knew that every time i saw you my heart did flips
You knew once you left it'd hurt too much

And you were right
You walked away leaving my bloody lips
It's like you bit me so hard
And left my blood to trickle down my face
You left me crying crimson tears into the darkest hours of the night
Because of the things you did i took trips
Down that stairway to hell, drew myself away from the Lord
I lost myself for days

I write you this note
Crying silent tears
Though you've left me
This heart still bleeds with love
So here's to you and me
It's ending finally
So here's my love letter to you
Sealed
With a Bloody Kiss

Bleeding Love

I have dreams sometimes
about my chest splitting open
and blood rushing out
my heart jumping out
as if having a seizure
the blood spilling all over my body
leaking onto my wrist
that wrist with the tattoo
that tattoo of you

So i paint a picture of this dream
Hoping they stop coming back to me
but they just keep haunting me
no matter how hard i try
they wont leave me alone

so i pick up that shiny thing
i run my fingers over its edges
it's shiny sharp edges
but when i reach the tip
i suddenly realise
i'm laying in a pool of blood
pouring out from my wrist
i look down
and i see the pool of blood
all around me
blood rushing out of my wrist
that one,
with the tattoo of you

i woke up this morning
wondered what happened
why am i here

i used to think the blood on my hands
was the pain, the hurt, the anger
of being without you near me
but now i see
the pain is from everything that is you
the hurt is from everything you do
the anger is form everything you dont do

you keep giving me hope
then taking it away
you keep making those promises
but you never keep them anyway
and suddenly i remember
you are the knife that's cutting me
you and everything you are
is the reason why i'm still bleeding.

by Joanna Ambrose

Some Sunshine

I need some sunshine back here in my life

Been walking too long in the rain

The raindrops are cutting my like a knife

But I’m too numb to feel the pain

I need the moonlight back here with me now

I’ve been lost in the darkness of the night

I need to move on but I just don’t know how

But I’m not backing down without a fight

I see the green grass growing on the other side

I want to crossover to feel the change

Coz when you left a part of me died

This feeling is so new, so strange

I see the rainbow touching the ground

I want to reach out and feel the sky

To feel the magic and find my sound

Coz since you left I can’t sing, no matter how I try.

by Joanna Ambrose